Friday evening our department held its annual holiday booze-fest party, and I'm glad that's done with for another year much fun was had by all.
One highlight of these events is the "Gift Exchange Game," and this year I lucked out -- instead of drawing a useless, tasteless, cheap-O gift like the fugly pottery soap-dish I got last year, I ended up snagging a very cool Bolivian love amulet, pictured right. Tradition says that this charm will bring true love to the loveless, or strengthen the bonds of those already bound.
This timely gift comes (wink,wink, nudge, nudge) within 2 weeks of my giving up all hope letting my Match.com membership expire. As far as I know, there is no monthly fee to wear the amulet, and I am willing to believe that it posesses powers far beyond those of the folks at Match, who have yet to find a way to filter out shirtless, monosyllabic Baptists from my search results.
Now, Fate being the irony-loving bitch that she is, I may not actually need to call on the powers of the Bolivian pixies de amor to get me some find love, but it doesn't hurt to have a bit of auxilliary mojo in these circumstances. And if nothing else, I'll have a nice conversation-starter dangling in my cleavage at the rest of the holiday parties I attend!
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A very handy gift I must say. What's this though about irony and fate and you perchance not needing the powers of the amulet - did you meet someone nice?
ReplyDeleteI'm still sorting that out myself, Lou.
ReplyDeleteAn amulet has never been necessary for me to admire cleavage, whatever is already dangling (or not!) is usually enough to get my attention.
ReplyDeleteNot that that is the only thing(s) I notice, of course ;-)
My burning questions are:
ReplyDelete1. Was this love amulet from a man?
2. Prior to the exchange, did you participate in the xerox machine, unseen parts of the body thing obligatory at all office holiday parties? And will you be posting it on your blog?
One other thing, be careful that this does not get out of hand and I feel I should warn you that I too was presented with a similar love amulet, except that it was made by a santería cult in Miami. It was in the form of a headless chicken. Nine months later I was presented with my first daughter.
BTW---I am with Doug regards the visuals associated with wearing one of these puppies.
Puppies, such an apt word in this particular conversation.
ReplyDeleteDoug, I understand, but using the amulet as a conversation gambit will make lechers seem less lecherous, no?
ReplyDeleteJaded, we do an anonymous exchange, although the faculty member (female) who added the amulet to the gift pile did have to explain its significance. I guess it's a bit more equitable than the usual "Secret Santa" bit, plus the rules allow us to "steal" anothers' gift if we like it. I stole the amulet from someone after my pick - a bottle of pinot grigio - was stolen from me.
The party is always at my boss's house, so no incriminating acts of office machinery abuse took place. Sorry.
I'm sure that if you & Mrs. J are careful, my amulet will not increase your family size yet again ;-)
...and "Puppies?" (looks down) I'm not sure if that is better or worse than "melons".
Egads, enough of that family increase talk.
ReplyDeleteNobody understands me, I can't get no respect. The puppy reference was about the amulet...not those other...symbols. It was that Canadian person who referred to those...babaloos as puppies.
Babaloos? Better quit while you're ahead.
ReplyDeleteB-b-but puppies are so soft and cuddly. Much more so than "blouse potatoes"...
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm quitting right here.
LMAO @ "blouse potatoes" !!
ReplyDeleteI love the amulet. I'd definitely wear it. I bet you'll get lots of comments. You'll have to let us know if the special powers work.
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing to hard, one big constant hahahaha after reading Doug and Jadej's comments. My feeling was,go see Intelli for some entertainment. Your posts always spark the best parts of my human nature. Wow, and Happy Merry Solstice to you!
ReplyDeletejc, glad to make you smile. And a Merry Solstice to you, too!
ReplyDeleteI'd go with the amulet over Match.com any day. At least with the amulet you have something nice to remind you of your troubles/interests.
ReplyDelete